Most people’s first impression of me is reserved, quiet, sweet, shy, or serious. These are accurate descriptions for a first time greeting. I absolutely love meeting new people, but I am sometimes painfully awkward with striking up that initial conversation because I am an overthinker. Instead of just being in the moment, I often think through the moment so much, I end up exhausted by all the scenarios I play out in my head. Can anyone relate?

What many people do not know or get to see is that sometimes I’m clumsy. I can be quite goofy, and I’m a country girl at heart. I love the simple things. I love a good laugh. I love to dance, and I have some rhythm, just missing the moves. I love to talk with a fake British accent while I am cooking. I love adventure, and being with someone I love is already an adventure. I prefer the hole in the wall over the fine dining. I find walking amongst trees on a windy day and hearing the movement of the leaves one of the most peaceful moments ever.

But also, I procrastinate, I assume way more than I should, and I people please too much. I get so angry sometimes, but most people would not know because I hold it all inside while smiling on the outside. I can be unorganized. I struggle with portion control. I let fear hinder me from opportunity. I get anxious about trivial things. I am sensitive, but I try to create a tough exterior to avoid being hurt.

Why am elaborating about myself in this way? Well, it is a start. I said that the intent of this blog is to create a community of people who want to grow. Community is a word that has been used more frequently these days. Everyone is looking for a sense of belonging whether in their families, amongst their peers, or within the church. We want to be accepted, known and still loved.

The hard part about building community is that sometimes we spend a lot of time polishing an image of who we want people to see before we present ourselves to them. We make sure to rehearse what we are going to say and how we are going to act. We do not want to give anyone any reason to talk about us after we leave. This behavior is exhausting and ultimately leads to many of us being surrounded by a bunch of people who we do life with for years and are yet and still complete strangers to each other.

Here, I want it to be different. I am not here to present a more polished version of me. I’ve wasted too much of my life trying to be somebody because I thought it was so much better than being me. It was like being a bird in a cage with the door open to freedom, but unable to break free because of a locked-up mentality. I locked myself into believing I had to perform to receive love and acceptance. I feared just being myself in God. I played the victim as an excuse for my struggles, and now I see it was all a personal identity issue.

The truth is I am loved and I am accepted by God. When He looks at me right now with all my flaws, failures, sins, and mess, He smiles with adoration. Why? Jesus. Jesus out of pure love gave His life so that we may be reconciled back to God the Father (2 Corinthians 5: 19-21). Does this mean it is ok for me to do whatever or be whoever I feel without consequence? Of course not! I am on a journey to delighting in God. And the start of that journey is taking off the mask and facing who is underneath. God already knows who is underneath so there is freedom in surrendering the attempts to cover up. This freedom also teaches me how to love others. I’m already learning to love others for who they are, not who I want them to be. With learning comes growth. With growth comes change.

Community is not polished perfection. It’s more like a messy mix of paint colors slapped onto a canvas. At first glance, it doesn’t seem there could be beauty found in such an abstract piece of art. But stand there long enough, and you will begin to see how one color compliments the other. The different strokes begin to form one particular shape. God designed us all differently. What one has, another may not. What one can do, another may not in the same way. But the beauty in that is when we come together, we build community by sharing our God given gifts and design.

So today instead of delighting in the false image I created of myself, I choose to delight daily in just being who God uniquely created me to be because that is the best way I can glorify Him.