He cried out for his mama. Surrounded by all of those people with their cell phones recording and shouting at Derek Chauvin to let off of his neck, George Floyd called out for his mama. Why?

Maybe George called out for his mama because as he looked around with vision slowly fading, he saw people who were shouting and talking, but not doing. Maybe he realized that these people were blind. These people are so focused on capturing the moment that they’ve forgotten the value of humanity. Is it better to record this man’s death standing a few feet apart from him or is it better that he lives to tell his testimony?

Maybe George knew that at least his mama would risk her life for his.

What’s my point? Whose side am I on you may ask? Am I judging those bystanders? Am I judging you? Not at all. Though painful to watch, having live evidence does confirm what we already knew so I’m glad someone was able to record. But police brutality and the systemic hatred and racism has stunned us with fear so much, that we hesitate to take a bold stand to preserve humanity. And I totally understand why. We want to live.

When I first saw news of all of this, I was overcome by anger, hurt, and frustration to the point of trembling. It was so draining; I had no energy to hold my head up. I didn’t want to blog or say anything. What could I say that had not already been said? Venting on social media feels good but doesn’t accomplish much without accompanying action. And accompanying action rooted in anger and hate will only fuel the fire of this war against humanity. So 11:30 pm two nights ago, I found myself lying face down on the floor before the Lord. In that moment, I questioned everything. I felt powerless. I considered texting some of my white friends. I wanted them to know how hurt I felt. I considered emailing my white pastors. I needed to hear that they cared enough to open the door for a conversation on this matter. But for every word I typed, I would backspace. If so angry, why was I hesitating?

I knew the anger that stirred within me was deeper. This was beyond anger that another black man has been intentionally and senselessly killed by a white man even though I am so sick of it. I was broken about the state of our humanity. Do we value our own lives so much, that we can be ok with recording 7-10 minutes of someone’s life draining from them by the knee of a hateful white man instead of taking the risk to push that white man off? Is yelling stop justified as action now? As I put myself in those bystander’s shoes, I even had to ask myself if I would have been bold enough to risk my life to ensure George caught his breath. The fact that it took me more than a few seconds to answer that was gut wrenching.

Before doing anything else, I decided to pour my heart out to my husband. I did a full-blown vent and didn’t hold back. He listened fully. And he acknowledged my pain. Here’s a summary of how he encouraged me.

John 15: 12-13

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”

I must be honest. In the depths of my emotional anguish, I did not even want to hear the word Gospel. I thought to myself, this is not the time for that. But as one who proclaims to be a firm follower of Christ, I had to be willing to turn to the scriptures for guidance. How did Christ love us? Jesus died, willingly, for OUR sins because He loves US. He died for us all meaning He didn’t pick and choose by race, gender, or socioeconomic status. He didn’t pick and choose by how much sin we committed or how bad the sin was. We ALL deserved to die in our sin, but Jesus made the sacrifice in our place. Are you getting it? Loving others as Christ loves us means we are willing to be selfless in order to serve others and it’s not about preference.

Here’s the thing. If we don’t believe that God’s love is this powerful, we will never be able to grasp how “love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:7-8). We can’t even love people unless we have been transformed by His love. We will all continue to be fueled to action by emotion only. It will leave us fruitless. It will mean a repetitive cycle of outrage and meme posting for a couple weeks and then back to life as usual.

So, when I asked God how I can be an active part of the change do you know what He reminded me of through my husband?

Matthew 22: 36-39

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Who are your neighbors? They are the ones directly around you. The ones you work with. The ones you attend church with. The ones you live with. The customers you serve.

Now my first thought was, “But God! Just about all my residential neighbors are black!” And then it hit me. If I evaluate how well I love and serve the people in my direct community, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t pass with flying colors. If I can donate dollars to sign a petition but can’t make sure my neighbor who is a single mom has groceries during this pandemic, I’ve gotten it wrong. I can’t step over black people directly in my hood to get to the hurting black people in Minneapolis. Make sense?

There is a dangerous divide that can occur even within the black community. The pain of our past can make some of us so numb that instead of pressing in and learning how to live and love through it, we will begin to disassociate ourselves from who we are. Plainly speaking this means being ashamed and embarrassed by our culture. This means only associating with black people of a certain caliber or even worse, not associating with black people at all. This means trying to act or look like someone more acceptable to mainstream society instead of being free in the way God designed you. It means hoarding knowledge, money, and resources because we’ve struggled too long to let someone else get ahead of us. It means not working together or supporting one another so that we all win. Others spend their lives in outrage, using threats, vengeful killing, and hatred as fuel to accomplish an agenda that leads to even more bloodshed.

Are we checking on our brothers and sisters right next to us? This question is for everyone. As believers, are we intentionally being present with our neighbors and seeking ways to love and serve them? Are we having tough conversations with one another and actively listening to each other? No matter the race, we all must love, be present with, and serve those in the direct territory God has placed us in. If we were all doing this for real, we would see real transformation happen all over the place.

If you are angry at me for speaking from this perspective, I get it. It’s hard reflecting on other problems when the issue at hand speaks so loud. I’m not minimizing the evil of racism and injustice at all. But the perspective God gave me is so empowering. I have more control and power than I thought because He is more powerful than all of this. This took the burden of carrying the pain of the whole world off my shoulders. God never told any of us to try to take on the whole world. That’s a God-sized job. God also never said that this would be easy. That’s why we need to filter our thoughts and actions through the Gospel. In our fight against this evil, there is a greater hope and perspective beyond this life. The hope of eternity with Christ and suffering no more. Martin Luther King died in his labor of love. People thought he lost when he died, but look what he accomplished. If we all consider the cries of humanity, if we consider that we all fail to have empathy, sympathy, and compassion for others outside of our race, status, or personal interests we will ALL realize that there is more that we can do.

So, sign the petitions, share your heart, express how you feel, and re share the memes. I’m doing some of that too. But when you log off, do the real work that makes the real impact. Black Lives Matter has to be more than a hashtag after a death. Let’s show the world daily that this is true God’s way!

Share your heart with me below. I love you!